Not trynna be all G or nothin’, but… January 24, 2010

Why is it important to capitalize the first letter of ‘god’?

Sorry to just jump into a new post just like that, I realize usually I ramble on for a good minute or two before I get to the point. But it just occurred to me. I typed out “oh my god” in Facebook chat (I refuse to OMG unless circumstances are dire), then was about to go back and fix the blasphemous g… but what’s the point? Doesn’t God know I love him? How is one grammatical shift going to make a world of difference between him and I? Did you notice how I just threw in a ‘him’ with a small H, too? Sneaky, sneaky.

I’m willing to capitalize the G for it being a proper noun. But not because it’s disrespectful to God if I don’t do it. He knows better. And for everyone who’s uttering “taubah, taubah” and still planning on always, always capitalizing the G in their ‘oh my god’s- don’t bother being such a saint. Remember my post on curse words? It’s wrong of you to be using God’s name in vain, anyways. Holding down the shift key while you do it won’t make angels cry holy water onto you.

Chill.

FML.32 January 2, 2010

It’s a new year and this year I have a resolution which I am really going to stick to: Run a virus scan on my laptop every other day.

…

Having viruses in your computer is probably a bit like having an STD. It’s quite an embarrassment to have to tell acquaintances of it and have them wonder whether perhaps you passed that worm onto them too in that USB with the Psychology project.

I speak from experience. Just two days back my own computer was trying to cope with the disastrous result of not wearing a condom. It was in such a terrible condition, in fact, that it would take me half an hour just to click my way through the Windows error reports and various processes shutdowns to get to Mozilla… which would turn itself off half a minute after opening.

…

When I finally installed Nod32 to make up for the now-obvious inadequacies of Spyware Terminator’s anti-virus offering, the situation was dire. The 23,759,236 Trojan variants attacked Nod (our relationship is now at the level where I can call it just Nod) and the hunter became the hunted. As I repaired Nod, I shed a single tear.

My laptop was shedding far more than just one tear, though. It had panic attacks, and minor strokes, and I’m sure it was suffering from angina, too. Of course I felt horrid for it was all really my fault and I tried to calm its frazzled nerves with the soothing sounds of David Bowie and such, but it only caused more heartache.

…

It’s really difficult to witness all this. A computer is like a child, except better, because it also includes your music library, and torrents you spent a month downloading (the Yeah Yeah Yeahs’ DVD), and pictures, SO MANY PICTURES. Seeing your baby struggle like that really hurts. But you know what hurts more? Getting the whole thing fixed.
Now I’ve lost everything that was on it. Ofcourse I saved a USB of stuff that I really valued but that entire USB is actually festering with all kinds of virtual plague. I feel icky just touching it.

…

Hold on, though. There’s more. The viruses actually seem to have attacked my cellphone as well. I wouldn’t think it possible but it must be because every time now that I turn my cellphone off it automatically starts MMS-ing people random files of names such as sex.mp3. But I don’t even have any files- especially not any songs- containing the word sex, or even sexy or sexual in the name (no, I do not have Sex On Fire or Sexy Bitch on my phone)! Odd? YES. Embarrassing? QUITE. But at least it ties my STD analogy in.

…

So it appears that my entire life is being overrun by a plethora of virtual infection. I really don’t know how Nod is going to deal with this because even though I had my whole OS reinstalled and everything, this shit is still crawling out of the cracks. Gonna run my scan now but I think what my laptop needs more is a hug. And some chocolate. And maybe an IV drip.

Young ‘uns October 30, 2009

If we’re making a list of what I don’t like, let’s make another addition. Kids. I do not like kids.

I suppose I am impartial to kids around 8. But if you’re under 8 I am very likely to be repulsed by your presence. Kids are clumsy, boring, stupid brats. And babies are the worst. Not only are they less interesting than a monkey at a zoo, they are pretty much useless and far too needy. Can’t do anything for themselves. I’m sorry but I’m not interested.

Wait, while we’re on the subject let me also add here that I find it the most ridiculous, unbelievable thing when people say, “Babies can’t be ugly.” Are you joking? If you’re saying that then you are also saying that no person on earth is ugly because, you know, these babies GROW UP. So unless you see beauty in every single person that exists, I don’t believe you.

…

I guess it’s no surprise, then, that I plan on never having children. I do not have the patience (and I happen to possess the patience of Buddha! Buddha never stuck around with his kids either, you know, so that explains a lot) nor do I have the love for humanity to keep the race going by adding another member to it. No, thanks. The world is already facing over-population in several areas as it is. I think we should all try to refrain from unnecessary additions.
Also, no one who has kids ever has them as a generous offer to the human race. The act of producing offspring is purely narcissistic. Haven’t you heard proud parents go, “Oh, he has my nose!” or “She has my temper!”? People only have kids so that there are more people like themselves in the world. So they can pass their genes onto someone else and keep their memory alive for years to come. Shame!

…

You know what’s better than kids? Cats. They are just like children except they are also furrier, cuddlier, and far more intelligent. Even better, they clean after themselves! Really, if I ever feel the need for a child, I will just get a cat instead.

Obama drama October 22, 2009

I had been wondering for quite a while about what to say on the topic of Obama winning that Nobel Peace Prize. Well, thanks to [apparently racist] Donna Barstow’s cartoon perspective in the latest Newsweek I no longer have to say anything at all. This speaks for me very clearly:

…

…

Except that… he’s already won two Grammys!

Bean there, done that. October 18, 2009

People have problems with kids TV shows. They have a problem with Spongebob Squarepants for promoting homosexuality. With Dora the Explorer for being an illegal immigrant. With Power Rangers for their masked violence. With Thunder Cats for… well, actually, I don’t know what problem anyone could have with Thunder Cats.

But you know which show I have a problem with? Obviously not, none of my readership happens to be psychic.

I have a problem with Mr. Bean.

…

Mr. Bean was a man that didn’t talk, was obsessed with his teddy bear (whom he thought was alive), and had no particular family around. Why did no one ever realise that he was obviously mentally retarded? Here’s a blurb from Wikipedia on Mr. Bean:

Based on a character developed by Rowan Atkinson at university, the series followed the exploits of Mr. Bean, described by Atkinson as “a child in a grown man’s body”, in solving various problems presented by everyday tasks and often causing disruption in the process.

…

Why have any of us ever laughed at that? Why do we still encourage children to laugh at that? Why do we send kids the message that it’s all good fun for us when a “child in a grown man’s body” attempts to swim, or travel, or eat at a restaurant?

I blame adults. Our parents and grandparents are racist, homophobic, paranoid bullies! They take no responsibility and say shit like “kids are the future of tomorrow” to take the future off their hands! And then the mess up the kids by showing them discriminatory TV shows!

I will have you know that I had such little faith in adults that I was ALL for a child government. Was. Until I went to my first MUN session and realised that if we went with the child government plan the world would have ceased to exist in about an hour, give or take a few minutes.

…

So I guess maybe we should all sit back and laugh at Rowan Atkinson’s mentally challenged antics anyways because atleast there isn’t a nuclear war going on.

Although if one does start out I expect to see all above 30′s pointing accusatory fingers at Dora. And the Power Rangers. Especially Pink Ranger, because she’s a woman. Obviously all her fault!

Word. October 9, 2009

I’m really fucking annoyed by people who’re annoyed by cursing.

Why can I not say fuck if I want to? For some reason the fact that curse words are just words seems to completely elude everyone. And at one point in time most ‘bad’ words weren’t bad at all. They changed to that over time. Am I the only kid around here who actually knows what the word twat meant back in Old English? Probably. Unfortunately.

…

I just really don’t understand how it’s okay for someone to bang their foot into something and say “FUDGE!” or “SHOOT!” or “CRAP!” and not okay for me to do the same and say their actual alternatives.

Actually, how is saying fudge or shoot or crap any better than fuck or shit? A curse word is a profane or obscene word, esp. as used in anger or for emphasis [dictionary.com]. Now, who decided which word is profane or obscene? Society did. By using certain words in such a certain sense. So if you’re using certain words in the same sense as these deemed curse words, does that not make it cursing, too? YES IT DOES, DUMBASS.

And if you’re going to sit atop your high horse on stilts and not swear at all then maybe you should revise your normal speech. Here’s another definition for you: Profane – characterized by irreverence or contempt for God or sacred principles or things; irreligious.

“Oh, my God!”

That’s swearing. You’re taking God’s name in vain. Especially when you go “Oh, my God, I dropped my jellybeans waaaaahhhh!!!”

Irreligious.

And, “I swear!”

As in “I swear, this is like the cutest bag I have ever seen!”

Yeah, I don’t know how obvious it has to be but when you swear on idiotic things like that, you’re not being very pious at all! I’m sure you’ve seen a cuter bag in your life, and so that makes you oath null and void. Shame on you. You broke your own word just by speaking it.

…

So don’t tell me not to curse, because you’re doing it, too. All the time.

And those people who think girls can’t/shouldn’t curse, please go eat your gender studies textbook. The argument of “we’re ladies” is absolutely defunct. Lady, ever heard of gentlemen? I doubt it because apparently it’s okay for boys to not be gentlemanly and curse but oh dear, girls HAVE to be ladies. No choice there.

Shoot! Fudge that crap.

Oh HAI. October 9, 2009

After facing much shit from Blogger I have shifted Billo de Blog to WordPress, which has a large collection of useless themes, no support for widgets such as my beloved music player, and a possible PhD in Mind Control (it somehow made me believe that learning CSS was a good idea).

But at least it works!

…

You may have a look at my almost identical past blog here. I really have no idea how I’ll collect 16 followers on WordPress, though, it took me two years to do it on there!

…

And because I’m rather lazy- I took a month to make this new blog- I’m going to start off with re-posting my last post on Blogger.